PAT: Spin away, Helen! Oops, you’ve almost got it… a little lower… there you go, give her a spin! And… $150… Vanna, are there any “W”s? Four “W”s for $600! Spin or solve, Helen? Oh, you’re going to walk over and feel the board again? But it’s the same as it was last time plus four Ws. No, no. Go ahead. We’ll wait……………………….. You’d like to buy a vowel? An “I”? I bet you’d like to buy an eye! Am I right, Vanna?
Braille Deal or No Deal is a more seamless adaptation.
At what age do you tell your child your only life accomplishment was “Achy Breaky Heart“?
"Dad, how should I deal with fame?" "First--" "God, I'm just kidding, dad. You weren't famous."
A STUDENT PROTEST BOASTS MANY PARTICIPANTS AND SIGNS PROCLAIMING “SCHOOL PRESIDENT BAKER IS A TITANIC DENIER!” AND “THE HINDENBURG HAPPENED!” A MAN GIVES AWAY FREE BAGELS NEXT TO THEM, BUT THERE ARE FEW TAKERS. A BAGEL EATER TAKES ONE.
BAGEL EATER: Hard to believe so many students wouldn’t want a free bagel.
BAGEL MAN: I’m Baker. It’s a hunger strike against me.
Do you really care if Baker's fired?
AREA MAN GETS A MASSAGE.
AREA MAN: Oooooooooh, ahhhhhhhhhhhh, yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah….
AREA MASSEUSE: You want happy ending?
AREA MAN: You bet I do!
AREA MASSEUSE POPS A VHS TAPE INTO A VCR AND PRESSES PLAY.
AREA MAN (ACCOMPANYING VIDEO): Rudy! Rudy! Rudy!
Career stats: one sack, zero anything elses.
“Lakefield” is an oxymoron.
You can't be both, Lakefield.
FORTUNE TELLER: I see a Baptist minister who champions the rights of minorities, winning a Nobel Peace prize. There’s a march in Washington where dreams are discussed, and it ends all too soon due to an assassination carried out by James Earl Ray.
YOU: That sounds eerily reminiscent to Martin Luther King, Jr’s life.
FORTUNE TELLER: I told you I’d tell you a fortune, not your fortune.
His fortune was up and down.
A man and woman dine on steaks.
MAN: Mmm.
WOMAN: Oh yeah, soooooooooooooooo gooooooooooooooooooooooood.
MAN: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
ANNOUNCER (V.O.): Animals were harmed during the making of this bit.
Shut up, Morrissey.
INT. HOME - NIGHT
A GROUP OF MARRIED COUPLES GATHER PER A TRADITIONAL KEY PARTY. EACH FEMALE SELECTS A SET OF KEYS AND PAIRS UP WITH THEIR RESPECTIVE OWNER.
CUT TO:
INT. FORD FIESTA - A SHORT WHILE LATER
ONE OF THE NEWLY PAIRED COUPLES DRIVE THE CAR THEY PICKED.
MAN #1: I like how your Fiesta handles curves.
The 2009 Ford Fiesta: test drive it at your next key party.
STROM’S BLACK MISTRESS: Why were you at work 24 hours straight, missing our designated appointment for jungle fever.
STROM: Certainly not because I was doing the longest filibuster in history to stop the Civil Rights Act.
STROM’S BLACK MISTRESS: I’m pregnant.
STROM: I’m no longer pro-life.
STROM’S BLACK MISTRESS: I’m keeping it.
RINP: Rest in Not Peace
If I drop the same piece of food on the floor twice for 2.5 seconds each time, does the 5-second rule apply?
Doug Martsch approved
